The power of being vulnerable when it is not in your comfort zone.
We all have a story to share, and we all have a past that we would rather forget ever happened. Transparency is something that is difficult to do when you are around your loved ones and friends. One may ask the question of, why is it so hard to do that? Others may make the statement of, just trusting someone as your confidant will help you feel comfortable with them in opening that vulnerability.
Good chances are that if someone is uncomfortable being open with you, they have experienced enough people saying they won’t hurt them with they tell them only to turn around and have their vulnerability used against them.
Learning How and When to be Vulnerable
At a young age in childhood, we all learn about who we can trust and who we cannot. The most obvious people being your immediate family – who lives in the household with you. Issues with vulnerability could stem from that exact household being the root as to why they are the way they are now. If you have siblings, it may be easier to talk to them about your issues while growing up.
However, when we age into teenagers and are learning ourselves on “deeper” levels we forget that we still have responsibility to our immediate family members to be there for them when they need us most. In these households, though, who do you think has the biggest influence over everyone and should be trusted with everything? The parents. When those bridges are crumbling before you, things you have said about your insecurities and mistakes in life are being thrown back at you. If you no longer feel safe opening up to them, it creates the problem of adults not wanting to be vulnerable with anyone.
For some, they had a communicative household and there are no issues there. They enter the world not knowing that some can be deceitful and untrustworthy and then they get hurt. In those moments, the vulnerability barrier is created. Resiliency in these situations – in your home or others outside of your home – is vital to remaining strong and being able to share what is on your mind or what you go through with family and friends.
Improving Your Comfort with Vulnerability
Childhood and moving into adulthood with these issues will make it difficult to have friendships or relationships that are long lasting. To improve any walls that are put up and making one not want to share what is going on with them, seek help from a trusted family member/friend or even a therapist. There is strength in therapy. Talking to them to relieve that burden of holding onto things that no longer serve you emotionally or mentally will help you feel better in the end.
Sometimes we hold onto things that have hurt us (thus creating the wall in the first place) because the thought of constantly replaying what could happen could protect from future “injuries”. When in fact it is causing more harm. Talk about trials and difficulties going on inside and heal those wounds. When those are healed, vulnerability and transparency with family, friends or your partner will be easier.
Take the time to understand that nothing in this world is perfect. And, it is not always going to be favorable to you in how they happen. How you recover from these situations, however, is what will save future relationships. This will also be beneficial to you in that you will feel relief from letting go of the baggage that you no longer need.
